Will condoms protect me from STDs?

The failure rate for pregnancy of 100 couples using condoms was 15.8 percent. Let's think about this. Pregnancy can only occur from one to five days each month. STDs can be transmitted every minute of every day of every month. Condoms are most successful in preventing HIV transmission, but they still do not provide 100 percent protection. Diseases such as herpes and HPV are passed by skin-to-skin contact. Many of the lesions are not covered by a condom, which places your sexual partner at great risk. Condoms do not protect you from the most common disease, HPV, which causes genital warts. HPV also causes more than 99 percent of all cervical cancers.

Condom risk reduction for males is:

• 50 to 75 percent risk reduction for gonorrhea (not including two studies in which men had intercourse only a few times.
• No risk reduction for nonspecific urethritis (mostly chlamydia).
• No studies tested for risk reduction against hepatitis B, herpes simplex or HPV.

Condom risk reduction for females:

• 13 to 14 perecent risk reduction for gonorrhea.
• 20 to 40 percent risk reduction for herpes 2 seropositivity.
• 30 percent risk reduction for trichomonas.
• 3 percent risk reduction for chlamydia.
• No risk reduction for bacterial vaginosis.
• No risk reduction for HPV.

Conclusion: The only 100 percent effective way to prevent STDs is to remain abstinent until married. Remember that STDs can be passed through oral sex, mutual masturbation, anal sex and through birth.

How can I say "no" to someone without offending him or her?

First, you are the one to set the boundaries. If you're asking this question, it is not your intention to offend or hurt someone. However, your first responsibility is to yourself. If you set clear boundaries at the beginning of a relationship, the other person should never approach the subject if they respect you. That said, you're smart to think of an answer ahead of time.
1. Don't lie.
2. Don't make excuses.
3. Discuss your reasons.
4. Set clear boundaries about what is "too far" for you.
5. Respect yourself enough to wait because you're worth waiting for!

Is oral sex really sex?

OK, we know our former president was a little confused about this, but you don't have to be. Did you say oral sex? If you said oral sex, then it must be sex. If sexual activity is defined as bodily contact meant to give or derive sexual gratification, then it is clear that oral sex is sex. While you may not be able to get pregnant, you can certainly get sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), which have become an epidemic. A majority of those infected are under 25. Some of those infections include syphillis, gonorrhea, genital herpes, HIV, HPV and chlamydia. If that's not enough, it also increases a woman's risk of having multiple yeast infections. Not exactly harmless fun!!

Is there anything wrong with pornography?

Pornography and cybersex are two of the most disturbing sexual trends in our culture. Adults and teens alike are exposing themselves to sexually explicit material to the detriment of their emotional and sexual health. People share private information publicly in a detached way. When exposed to pornography we become desensitized to forming intimate bonds. Teens who have cybersex avoid emotional bonds altogether. In a sense, they're actually training themselves not to bond during sex. This can have serious consequences as they mature and can cause them to have very real difficulty forming meaningful, intimate relationships down the road.

How can sexual pleasure be improved?

This will surprise you!! The best sex is married sex. Faithfully married couples enjoy more sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction when compared to all sexually active people. In one research survey, 67 percent of all married adults reported that they are "happy with their sex lives." Only 45 percent of all singles reported the same. Married sex is best. No matter how skilled and exotic and explosive a merely physical experience may be, it cannot match what we call "total sex." Total sex involves the completion and joining of total personalities. It merges the minds, emotions and the social and spiritual selves of a couple, as well as their bodies. The two truly do become one. Why would any sensible person want to settle for anything less that that kind of sex? (Source: Sex, Dating and Love by Ray Short.)

What is so wrong with casual sex?

Let's not even discuss the huge risk of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Those two realities should be enough reason to wait for marriage to have sex. But what about the most important part of who we are, what about our emotions? It's a mistake to treat sex as if it were just another physical activity. We are five-part beings: physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and social. Sex involves the whole person. One of the things that makes us distinctively different than animals is that we attach emotions to our sexuality. Sex is supposed to be a physical expression of love between two people. When sex is reduced to a one-night stand, or something else to do on a date, we remove the emotional bonds that make sex intimate. It becomes difficult to bond when people make sex merely a physical act. The emotions aroused during sexual activity among teenagers may contribute to clinical depression, even suicide. Research studies indicate that girls who have sex are six times more likely to commit suicide than girls who are virgins.

Aren't people who say they are abstinent just posing?

No. People are abstinent for many reasons. Some people are abstinent because they are concerned about their health. They aren't willing to expose themselves sexually to transmitted diseases and pregnancy. The only 100 percent effective way to avoid those consequences is to remain abstinent until you are married. Another reason is that many studies have conclusively shown that sex is best and most satisfying in a marriage relationship, and they want to have the best sex possible. Others want to save themselves for their marriage partner. They know that they don't want to be compared to former partners or compare their partner to someone else. Religion is another reason many people choose abstinence as a lifestyle. All major religions have laws regarding sexuality and state that sex belongs inside the boundaries of a lifelong committed relationship.

If two people really love each other and are mature enough, shouldn't they be able to decide if sex is OK for them?

Love would never place the other person at risk emotionally or physically. Having sex before marriage places them at risk for STDs, pregnancy and emotional pain. Mature people make decisions based on the consequences of their decisions not on spur of the moment passion.

What about mutual masturbation?

First a definition: Mutual masturbation is giving each other sexual pleasure without having intercourse. Participating in this kind of sex places you at risk for STDs and pregnancy. Yes, pregnancy. Although it is very rare, sperm can wriggle up in the vagina, in through the cervix and uterus, into the fallopian tubes, and wham! Another "virgin" has conceived. Many STDs are contracted by skin-to-skin contact, so they can be contracted without having intercourse.

How far is too far?

There is a natural progression to intimacy. It starts with eye-to-body contact and ends with intercourse. It is the steps in between that are critical. Deciding how far to go is the key to remaining abstinent. Let's first get a definition of sex. Sex includes outercourse, intercourse, oral sex and mutual masturbation. If you are touching someone's genitals you are having sex. You first need to respect your body and your partner's. You need to determine before you ever go out what is your "point of no return" and set your boundaries far ahead of time. It is always helpful to remember that your body belongs to you and your spouse. If you are not married, your body does not belong to your date, even if you have been dating a long time. Think of your parents: Would you want to see your mother in a full embrace with your father's best friend? The answer is a resounding no! Why not? It is because she is married and that is not acceptable in a marriage relationship. Why would it be OK for an unmarried person to participate in activities that should be shared only with a spouse?