When parents think of talking to their kids about sex, many think in terms of the old "Just Do It" Nike commercials. They brace themselves for "the conversation" for days. They rehearse what they'll say. They lose sleep. And there's no question that talking to our kids about sex is a tough thing to do. What many parents fail to realize, however, is that "it's" not a conversation, it's a series of conversations. An ongoing conversation, if you will. It should be an ongoing process, with parents sharing bits and pieces of information at appropriate times.

I try to encourage parents to take advantage of everyday situations to talk about their values and expectations. Answer questions - with age-appropriate answers, of course. (Sometimes, when our kids ask a question, we're so concerned about the answer that we dump more information on them than they really need or are asking for.)

I remember as a preschooler watching a  soap opera with my mother and asking her, "Mommy, why don't ladies have babies until they are married?" Her answer was, "That wouldn't be very nice would it?" And that was enough to satisfy my curiosity.

As you watch TV or movies or listen to music, ask your child about the appropriateness of what they're seeing or hearing. For instance, if the TV show you're watching includes an unmarried couple living together, ask about the kinds of consequences that are possible for the couple that the show won't reveal.

And remember: Sometimes you need to deliver your own commentary on the appropriateness of the media your kids consume by utilizing the on/off switch on your TV or radio.

Your relationship to your spouse is a key factor in passing your values on to your children. Your children should "catch" you in a full embrace with your spouse, they should hear you say loving things and see that sexuality is very real and very special in the context of a healthy marriage.

Finally, talk to your children, not at them. As you discuss sexual matters, ask how they feel, what kind of pressures they're experiencing, how to react in different situations and find out what they really know. Don't make assumptions about their knowledge and be sure to give them the kind of information they need to make good decisions. Be informed yourself. In some cases, your kids may know more about sex than you do.

Alice Morgan is a character and abstinence educator for First String. To talk to her about talking to your kids, call her at (740) 349-7558 or e-mail her directly at amorgan@firststring.org.